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I don’t feel comfortable in my jeans anymore. I can’t bear the sight of my own reflection. The worst part of the morning is waking up and feeling fat as I pull on my clothes. None of my clothes look good on me anymore. I dodge all photos. I cringe when I see myself in pictures. I dread to see what I look like when I get e-mails from facebook telling me I’ve been tagged in a photo. I can’t stand it when people touch me. When a guy hits on me I get suspicious. My self consciousness stops me from doing things that I want to do. I hate the person that I am, I really don’t feel beautiful anymore and completely understand why people would think the same…this does seem like a high price to pay for putting on 8 kgs.
I don’t care what people say, Kate Moss is right, nothing tastes as good as being skinny does. I don’t care what you say, being over weight is not beautiful. It’s not beautiful and it’s not healthy. But you know what, it’s okay because we can all, if we want to, be thin, the choice is ours. We decide what goes into our bodies and we decide how active we are.
A little over 2 years ago, I used to be lean and fit. I was meticulous about what went into my body. I loved myself by giving my body only beautiful and nourishing foods. I worked out for 2 hrs daily. I felt good, I lived my life with smiles and colours. Then, I changed countries, changed environments and changed habits. Theres not one day that goes by where I don’t hate myself for letting myself get to where I am now. I know, it’s only 8 kgs, but still, I seem to have a hard time forgiving myself and moving on. I now fail because I lack patience with the process of getting back to the old me. I get down when I realise I cant do half of what I used to to in the gym 2 years ago. I get down, and when I’m down I feel like there is no way of getting out. I know, it seems a little excessive and over the top, but I can’t believe that I am at square one again. I promised myself I’d never be here again, yet here I am, hating all over again.
So, I have decided to blog. Everyone does this, and now this includes me. I have a goal. I have a plan. Finally I have something to work towards. Now let the process to thinner peace and self acceptance and my best life begin. I’ll be posting all my goals on another post. Follow me and follow my journey. Let your story inspire me, and let mine inspire you. Lets do this together. Skype, tumblr, write to me and tell me about your story.